I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
