So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
