chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
