so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
