I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
