I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
