Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We need to get me chipped asap
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
