Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
