Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
