Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
