can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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