my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
