i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
