I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
