I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
