If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
