seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
