I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
