yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I believe in your delicious
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
