The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
