I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
