Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize