you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
