so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Randomize
