but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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