my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
