You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize