Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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