1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
