Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
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