M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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