You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
