Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
