can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
