Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
