Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
