Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
