rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
