Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
