all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
