this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
