Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
