It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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