You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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