is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My ass is underappreciated
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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