he puts the penis in happiness.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.