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I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
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