i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy