Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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