i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
