Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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