He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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