Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
