with your own penis?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
