I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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