Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
should my penis look like a turkey
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
