apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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