the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
