he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
