I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
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How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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