im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
