a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
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You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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