I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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