I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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