In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
