Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
my poor anus
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
there is glitter all over my balls
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
