I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
