Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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