I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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