i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
