"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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