I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
