I take back everything I said about communal showers
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
