maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
