I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
