I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
