WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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