Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
