i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
