He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Randomize
